Tonight I am sad..

You know growing up you somehow believe that love can do anything. It is rather heartbreaking when you become an adult and find out that is not true. Almost two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, it was very hard for me to do because we didn't have major problems. We almost never fought, we could spend a weekend with only each other to entertain ourselves and enjoy it, we could cook together and laugh together. So here is why most would wonder why I would end such a thing and there are moments that I wonder myself but the reason is that we were going no where, he was no closer to wanting to spend the rest of his life with me and he would not make a commitment to me. I need more and expect more. I love him but I don't believe I was in love with him nor do I believe he was in love with me..we were friends. I hate that there is no handbook on this stuff..the next time I see him what do I do? Do you act like you never knew each other? Do you act like nothing has changed? Do you forget all the fun times? Or reminisce over them? Anyway, I know I will be okay and my search will go on because I pray that at least once in my life I will be swept off of my feet...

What I am looking for in a man...

1. Be a man please be a man but still be able to shop with me occasionally or watch a chic flick and enjoy it, it won't threaten your manhood I promise.

2. Listen to my problems and support me without thinking I expect you to fix everything, I can't fix them and I sure don't expect anyone else to.

3. Be passionate about life and have more passion for people than you do your hobbies, your hobbies will not help take care of you when your older.

4. Be my best friend, if I am going to spend most of my time with you I want you to be my best friend and above all don't be someone I hate.

5. Be secure enough to sometimes do your own thing and let me do my own thing, I want you to enjoy me but you don't have to be shoved up my butt all the time.

6. Love my kids not because you have to but because you want to. They are the most important thing in the world to me.

7. Love my friends, they have been with me through alot. More than any man has.  Don't expect me to give them up.

8. Be laidback and happy, I am not alway's that way I promise and I need the balance.

9. Defend and protect me but also understand that some things I can handle on my own. I have been through more in life than many people and have survived..give me a little credit.

10. If you don't think I am smart and pretty don't be with me, if you do please say so sometimes without being asked.

11. Be thoughtful and helpful towards me, I will do the same in return.

12. You must have enough money or make enough money where between the two of us we can breathe in life. If we want to have a weekend get away on occasion I don't want it to be the end of the world.

13. If you have to alway's be going and doing to be happy I am not the woman for you. I have friend I can introduce you to if you feel that way. Haha! I want to be able to enjoy a lazy day around the house sometimes.

14. If after a short time you don't think and believe I am the best thing that ever happened to you and I don't feel the same about you it is time to part way's, no sense in faking it.

15. Marriage is give and take, I am right on this one and if you disagree you are wrong. A marriage can't be all about either partner or it will fail.

16. If you are not head over heels in love with me then please don't waste my time, I have been there done that.

Ahh how life flies!

Well it has been about six months so I thought why not write something again...

Life really hasn't changed much as I can see from the last post. Tinkerbell is still an adorable smart mouth that reminds me of me. Q is still smart and excels at anything he attempts. W.W. is still one of the most tender hearted kids I have ever met. I am one of the most blessed mothers I know. For the most part my kids wildly defend me and while I wish they wouldn't feel the need to they work hard to protect me.

I am still currently with the same man as I was six months ago although I am surprised I am and not sure how long it will last..everyday is questionable. I live in the same house, my little piece of Heaven. There are thing's about the house that I wish were different but overall I am as happy here as I have been anywhere since I moved out from under my Momma's wing. The kids are also very happy here. My best friend and her husband who is also one of my best friends live across a big green field from me and our kids roam back and forth as they please...like I said my little piece of Heaven. Oh and the best part of all that never fails to come to my attention this time of year...I don't have to mow or do any yard work! That is taken care of by my super nice retired yard work loving landlord.

I have currently started trying to lose weight, not sure how long it will last or how great I will do since I am a food loving lazy bum but hey it is worth a shot. I turned 32 last week and I figure if I don't do something now it will not get any easier. So far I have lost 10 pounds and I did this on the starvation diet. Next week I will probably try to introduce food back into my life. Haha! No it is not quiet that bad but I have been attempting to only eat once I start shaking, I don't need anyone to tell me that this isn't good for me, I know but hey it works. I actually started counting calories yesterday and will be trying to stay below 1000 calories a day.

I will be making a post shortly about what I am looking for in a man, this post will be for me to look back on and remind myself to keep my eyes on the prize and to never settle again. Thanks for reading..I hope this post finds everyone well!