Tonight I am sad..

You know growing up you somehow believe that love can do anything. It is rather heartbreaking when you become an adult and find out that is not true. Almost two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, it was very hard for me to do because we didn't have major problems. We almost never fought, we could spend a weekend with only each other to entertain ourselves and enjoy it, we could cook together and laugh together. So here is why most would wonder why I would end such a thing and there are moments that I wonder myself but the reason is that we were going no where, he was no closer to wanting to spend the rest of his life with me and he would not make a commitment to me. I need more and expect more. I love him but I don't believe I was in love with him nor do I believe he was in love with me..we were friends. I hate that there is no handbook on this stuff..the next time I see him what do I do? Do you act like you never knew each other? Do you act like nothing has changed? Do you forget all the fun times? Or reminisce over them? Anyway, I know I will be okay and my search will go on because I pray that at least once in my life I will be swept off of my feet...

What I am looking for in a man...

1. Be a man please be a man but still be able to shop with me occasionally or watch a chic flick and enjoy it, it won't threaten your manhood I promise.

2. Listen to my problems and support me without thinking I expect you to fix everything, I can't fix them and I sure don't expect anyone else to.

3. Be passionate about life and have more passion for people than you do your hobbies, your hobbies will not help take care of you when your older.

4. Be my best friend, if I am going to spend most of my time with you I want you to be my best friend and above all don't be someone I hate.

5. Be secure enough to sometimes do your own thing and let me do my own thing, I want you to enjoy me but you don't have to be shoved up my butt all the time.

6. Love my kids not because you have to but because you want to. They are the most important thing in the world to me.

7. Love my friends, they have been with me through alot. More than any man has.  Don't expect me to give them up.

8. Be laidback and happy, I am not alway's that way I promise and I need the balance.

9. Defend and protect me but also understand that some things I can handle on my own. I have been through more in life than many people and have survived..give me a little credit.

10. If you don't think I am smart and pretty don't be with me, if you do please say so sometimes without being asked.

11. Be thoughtful and helpful towards me, I will do the same in return.

12. You must have enough money or make enough money where between the two of us we can breathe in life. If we want to have a weekend get away on occasion I don't want it to be the end of the world.

13. If you have to alway's be going and doing to be happy I am not the woman for you. I have friend I can introduce you to if you feel that way. Haha! I want to be able to enjoy a lazy day around the house sometimes.

14. If after a short time you don't think and believe I am the best thing that ever happened to you and I don't feel the same about you it is time to part way's, no sense in faking it.

15. Marriage is give and take, I am right on this one and if you disagree you are wrong. A marriage can't be all about either partner or it will fail.

16. If you are not head over heels in love with me then please don't waste my time, I have been there done that.

Ahh how life flies!

Well it has been about six months so I thought why not write something again...

Life really hasn't changed much as I can see from the last post. Tinkerbell is still an adorable smart mouth that reminds me of me. Q is still smart and excels at anything he attempts. W.W. is still one of the most tender hearted kids I have ever met. I am one of the most blessed mothers I know. For the most part my kids wildly defend me and while I wish they wouldn't feel the need to they work hard to protect me.

I am still currently with the same man as I was six months ago although I am surprised I am and not sure how long it will last..everyday is questionable. I live in the same house, my little piece of Heaven. There are thing's about the house that I wish were different but overall I am as happy here as I have been anywhere since I moved out from under my Momma's wing. The kids are also very happy here. My best friend and her husband who is also one of my best friends live across a big green field from me and our kids roam back and forth as they please...like I said my little piece of Heaven. Oh and the best part of all that never fails to come to my attention this time of year...I don't have to mow or do any yard work! That is taken care of by my super nice retired yard work loving landlord.

I have currently started trying to lose weight, not sure how long it will last or how great I will do since I am a food loving lazy bum but hey it is worth a shot. I turned 32 last week and I figure if I don't do something now it will not get any easier. So far I have lost 10 pounds and I did this on the starvation diet. Next week I will probably try to introduce food back into my life. Haha! No it is not quiet that bad but I have been attempting to only eat once I start shaking, I don't need anyone to tell me that this isn't good for me, I know but hey it works. I actually started counting calories yesterday and will be trying to stay below 1000 calories a day.

I will be making a post shortly about what I am looking for in a man, this post will be for me to look back on and remind myself to keep my eyes on the prize and to never settle again. Thanks for reading..I hope this post finds everyone well!

Well it's been awhile..

I haven't blogged in ages and don't know that I have enough to say to start now but hey it's worth a try. Since I last blogged I have gotten a divorce, lived in a camper, a trailer, a falling apart house and now a home. I have worked as a CNA, Director of Human Resources and now a Home Care Aide. I have talked, I have dated and I have hopefully settled in. So pretty much my life has changed, many times in many ways.

Now for my amazing children. Tinkerbell has grown in to a beautiful smart-mouthed little girl, just like I always knew she would. She is now in first grade, man how time flies. She is smart, pretty, energetic and loving...who could ask for more? She is my girl!

Q amazes me every day. He is super smart, good looking and he never misses a thing. I told someone one day that it is really unfair how easy he has it. If he wants to play basketball then he is the best on his team, if he has a test at school he passes without studying, if he goes hunting he kills the biggest deer, if he is fishing he is catching one after another while no one else is getting a bite. I don't understand why that stuff is so easy for him but I guess I hope it stays that way. He has his own share of struggles in life though and I believe it also comes from being so smart and understanding things that he is really to young to understand. He is in third grade and has the best teacher ever. He is also running every week to prepare for a marathon he will be in soon. My heart is proud every time I look at him!

WW is growing like a weed. He will be taller than me before next year I am sure, which is crazy since he is just fixing to be ten years old. His foot is already bigger than mine, there is no telling how big it will end up being. He is still a very sweet and soft hearted little boy but I see him changing in alot of ways. I don't spend as much time with him because he has decided/been pressured to stay with his father. He has gotten student of the month the last two months and this month it was announced that he was chosen to be a KidLeader, not sure exactly what he does but he was chosen because he shows excellent leadership skills. I am very proud of him!

Well that is about all for now! I will try to be on here posting as post worthy things happen in life! Thanks for reading! April